I believe that unless you are a doctor, someone working with children or other deserving people, my hair dresser, or perhaps the president of the united states, that there is basically nothing ‘important’ going on at work. That being said, in the scope of my job, there are a lot of big things going on right now. These big things are converging at the same time. Along with my husband’s Lasik surgery, and following the deficit created by being out with sickness for myself and my son. But today all of these things converged with something really important. Our daycare was having an event called a “Souperbowl Party”. It’s an hour long event where they share homemade soup and other snacks, and parents, kids and teachers have fun together. I didn’t go. The time had been blocked off on my calendar for weeks – my assistant had carefully moved meetings around to accommodate that hour. But after a day full of meetings and surprise deadlines, I was faced with a choice: 1. go to the event, but get my son home late 2. don’t go to the event and get my son home on time 3. bail on the ‘important work’. After years of making my group put daycare events before deadlines – even if it meant standing by their desk until they stepped away from the keyboard, I chose option number two. And even as it was, I did the bare minimum to achieve a sub-par standard on the several things that HAD to be done for work, and then I couldn’t stand it any more and ran down hoping to make the last few minutes of the party.
My rational was that Brendan would be surrounded by fun and people who loved him at the party, and that assumption proved correct. Aunt Lisa and Charlie even left their room to come hang out with Brendan. But that’s not the point. The point is that my baby had an event at school, and I wasn’t there. Because of work. That has never been okay with me, never will be okay with me, and it wasn’t okay with me tonight. I cried all the way home. And in the same way that we learned a valuable lesson on our second night home from the hospital with Brendan (not to listen to a nurse telling you how much a baby’s stomach can hold, but listening instead to your baby telling you he’s hungry), I learned an important lesson tonight. NOTHING is more important than my son, so don’t ever let anything get in the way of that. I don’t care if it’s only an hour long soup party at school – that is more important to me than anything happening at my job. And I made that promise to Brendan on the ride home. I apologized for missing his party, and then I told him that no matter what is going on in his life, his Mama will always want to be there. Whether it’s a show and tell at school, an invitation to watch him do cartwheels outside, a sporting event, a speech competition, the math bowl, a shopping excursion to pick out a tie for highschool prom, a coke and some fries when he’s had a hard day – I don’t care what it is, if Brendan wants me there – I will be there. Because to me, that is truly the most important thing. And next time, I will remember that.
It worked out okay, we got home a little earlier than usual and I let him do all kinds of special things – he got to sit in the drivers seat when we got home and ‘drive’ Mommy’s car, we bundled up and took a night time walk to look at the stars, and he started off his dinner in Mommy’s lap while we watched a little TV. Then Daddy got home and they had some wrestling time before an extra fun bath. Not a bad night in the end, but it didn’t erase the stain on Mommy’s heart, and nothing ever will.
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Nothing can top my little ‘doodlaman’, even if we can’t get him to say it on camera.
*Postscript: Rob told me that when he called and heard me crying, he thought I had lost my job. Silly Daddy. I do know that the ‘tragedy’ I experienced in missing this event is what my boss would call a, ‘high class problem’. I’m very fortunate to experience such problems.