So many things

First of all: Grace Cathedral.
We were lucky enough to be invited to sweet baby Scarlett’s christening, and I was so moved by the spirit of this church. Particularly an art installation there – miles and miles of rainbow colored ribbons hang from the ceiling with prayers written on them. They sway gently in the breeze, cast the most beautiful shadows – and truly felt like prayers were being lifted to heaven and lowered to earth at the same time. I wasn’t the only one who was moved, Brendan was very good – and turned to me early on and said, “Mommy – I want to be here all the time.” They also have two labyrinths to walk – one inside and one out – Brendan loved walking/running the “mazes”. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this place, and want to go back when I can be there and spend some quiet time. I later found out that the ribbons have been hanging since 2013 – but come down this month. I feel so fortunate to have visited.


I have been a big mess of emotion recently. Appreciating how fragile life is – fearful of losing the people I love, and simultaneously so grateful for all that I have been given. Creek Grandma had a whole battery of health tests, and nothing major was found. I’m so relieved. There are no words. I was hoping for an easy answer to her recent health concerns, but in lieu of that – I am so happy to know that we don’t have anything serious to worry about, and am reminded to live and appreciate each moment to the fullest.

American Idol. Rob has been out of town for a few days, (and BTW we miss him like crazy, but Pooch, Peanut and I have been rocking it here at home) and it means that after B is asleep, I watch a little American Idol. My favorite part of the audition phase has always been hearing the stories – realizing that everyone has a different story, but also realizing that no matter what the story, the same thing moves me: a genuine and authentic spirit. Vulnerability. Wholeheartedness. That still applies, but the thing that brings me to tears this year is the parents of these kids. Each of them 100% there for their kids. The true love so apparent in their expressions – so clear that it doesn’t matter to the parent if their child makes it on Idol or not, just that they want to offer their love and support no matter what. It moves me because I FEEL it. I can feel every one of their emotions because I already ache with beauty for Brendan’s spirit. I don’t want anything to crush it ever – I want to always and forever encourage him to be all that he is – to go after his dreams no matter what they are, with wholeheartedness. To somehow understand that even the apparent set-backs are actually helping to propel him to where he is supposed to be. And to know that I will always be his biggest fan, no matter what.

By the way, sometimes he comes and hangs out in my office. Most of the time he plays the mini golf game we have set up in our main hallway, or he plays with the crate of toys I keep for him and every child who wanders into my office. But sometimes he parks himself on my couch, takes off his shoes and socks, helps himself to a cookie – and scrunches up his toes. That’s my favorite.


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This week Brendan was “Turtle of the Day” on Tuesday, and the very next day he was “Star of Circle”. That doesn’t happen often, and in truth, every child gets a turn in some kind of rotating order, no matter what kind of choices they happen to make – but Brendan HAS been extra awesome of late. I assured him that he didn’t need any special kind of award to feel good about being his best self – that trying his best was its own reward. We have also been watching “Brave” this week. I had never really watched it, and we didn’t let him watch because we didn’t know what kind of movie it was – but it’s really great – and not too scary. There was one part with a scary bear that I was a little worried about – he started to bury his face in a blanket a little. After the scene was over he sort of backed up on the couch a little, looked at me and said, “That bear was….” I waited to hear what word would come next and it was, “AWESOME!!!”. Cracked me up. Plus, he has now merged “Merida” and “Meredith” into one person, so he thinks his birthmother is extra “AWESOME!” Good timing because today it has been exactly 4 years since we first heard from Meredith. A day I will never ever forget. Thank you Meredith the Brave.

At school this week, they were talking about Martin Luther King, and the “I have a dream” speech. I love that they are doing this with three year olds. They had each of them complete the sentence, “I have a dream…” and recorded their answers. Brendan’s answer, “I have a dream – that I will play with Mommy all of the time.” It made my day. And it’s nice to know we have the same dream.

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